Words of Sorrow

"Each day should be passed as though it were our last.”

- Publilius Syrus

          It is difficult to know what to do, how to act, or what to say when someone is ill or has died.  Some of the most difficult words to ever express are those of sorrow.  Whether you are conveying your sympathy or sharing your feelings to comfort another, these words often matter most.  During these trying times, words become the windows to the heart and really do make a difference.

          Perhaps you have experienced a time in your life when friends and family reached out and embraced you with words and deeds that softened the pain you were feeling.  While the hurt never left you, the spirit and caring that surrounded you comforted you in ways you never imagined were possible.

          The exchange of kind and caring words helps you and embraces those whom you love.  Words of thanks, words of courage, determination, and kindness, let others know how much you care.

          When someone you love is dying, you may feel as if they want to be left alone.  Never assume that they don’t need you.  They are struggling.  You can call that special someone and say, “I’ve been thinking of you.”  Write or tell them they’re in your thoughts.  Perhaps say, “I’m so sorry. I care.”

          If you know or knew a person who is ill or has died, be sincere and write about their special traits that touched you.  Recall something they taught you, or remember a deed they did.  Your words will help personify their goodness and be more comforting than you’ll ever know.

          Small acts of kindness, bringing in the mail, watering plants, taking a pet to the veterinarian, or having the oil changed in their car also make a significant difference.  It’s the little things that count, and the person who makes a difference is one who finds out what someone really needs and meets those needs.

          Acts and words of kindness that come from the heart will always be most appreciated and appropriate.

            

When Death Occurs Away From Home

            What do I need to know in the event that my husband/wife dies while on vacation miles away from home?  Am I at the mercy of people I don’t even know and/or trust?  What do I do?  Actually, you have many options.  There are many trusted family, friends, and professionals ready to step forward to help you with every little detail.

            When such tragedy occurs, it certainly is reassuring if you know your funeral director...that special someone who, with one phone call, will calm and bring organization to the entire situation. 

            There are many decisions to be made.  How will my husband/wife be sent home?  Is embalming necessary?  Do we purchase a casket?  Do we have enough money?  Will the shipping funeral home accept credit.  How much will it cost?  Are we covered with insurance?

            Somehow, it all gets arranged.  Yes, dying away from home can be complicated, but we make these kinds of arrangements everyday.  We are connected and confident as we slowly help families bring their loved one home.

            This past year, we have helped families send their loved ones home to France, Canada, and to numerous locations in the United States.  Also, we have received loved ones from Iraq and throughout the United States.  Some arrangements fall into place easily, within a short time frame, and others are drawn out and very complicated, depending upon the laws, regulations, and requirements of the receiving/sending funeral home that may or may not  be located in a foreign country. We are very mindful that, all the while, families are anxiously waiting to continue with their own personal plans, as well as making arrangements for their loved one to be laid to rest.  Eventually, it all works out.  It’s quite amazing to me that in almost every circumstance everyone is putting forth their very best effort in aiding families at such a tender time. 

            I suggest that you take the time to visit our mortuary and become acquainted with the men and women who, one day, may be some of your most valued and cherished friends as they make your burden a little lighter.

Trade Secrets

            Secrets of the trade - those little tips that I have picked up over the years.  Most of these “tricks” I have been gleaned from my dad, LeGrande Spilsbury Without a doubt, he was one of the finest funeral director, restorative art technician, and embalmer this profession has ever known.  If you don’t believe me, just ask any funeral director that was in the business during his era.  His abilities were known throughout the state of Utah, and it was my good fortune to have been his son. 

            Secret number one - blue eye shadow.  I learned that blue eye shadow is actually seldom worn on every lady.  I use a little blue shadow, not particularly because it enhances the deceased appearance, but it stand out as something a little different than what is natural.  If the family likes it, great.  But if they don’t, it is easily removed and the family now feels that their input has been well received.  For some crazy reason, it is not supposed to be perfect the first time Isn’t that funny?

            Another wonderful tip is, if there is a case with excess water in the tissues (ede

a little Epson Salt in the embalming solution will make a world of difference. 

            Another tip that gives me a great amount of confidence is a frozen roller bandage.  In the event that there has been excessive swelling of the neck, a frozen roller bandage wrapped tightly around the neck, after embalming, and left overnight, will greatly improve the deceased appearance. 

            These little secrets can make a huge difference when applied in the proper manner. Not only did I pick up tricks of the trade, but tried and true principals, that when

applied properly, enhance and build trust, and lifetime friendships.

            For example, the family is always right, regardless, and every problem must be reconciled immediately. I was also taught that sometimes it is better to turn your cheek rather than subject yourself and employees to a very few who are angry and do not value funeral directors or the service they provide.  There are some I refuse to serve - those who are rude and belittling to my staff.  Every business or profession has their “tricks of the trade”.  Most are practical solutions to a variety of situations.  In the future, look for the blue eye shadow.........!

Sincerely

Ted Spilsbury

The Role of the Funeral Director

            Funeral Directors, to me, are heroes...professionals who serve from their hearts.  They are kind, gentle, and loving – minutemen/women who respond promptly any time of the day or night. They present themselves with confidence, compassion, and sincerity.  They are a select few who are seldom recognized for their veracity and endurance. They seldom are the recipients of community awards or notoriety.  Nevertheless, they are true heroes to each and every family going through the humbling and painful trials of death.  The tender mercies of our hometown Funeral Directors do not go unnoticed.  It radiates in their countenance as they tenderly serve.

            Most everyone has a sacred spot in their heart for the one who gently leads them through the overwhelming experience of death of a loved one.  For me, my first encounter with death was at age seven.  My nine year old sister fell from a converted Studebaker funeral coach.  The top was cut off and Dad, the small town Funeral Director, moonlighted as a tour guide for St. George’s 1^st Dixie Sun Bus.  Well, to make a long story short, my sister fell from the Dixie Sun Bus and was killed as the family was returning home from the Washington County Fair.  In my memory, this event was the most vivid reality of my childhood.  I remember how devastated Mother was, and I remember all those who came to console our family, especially my mother.  I also remember Dad in the background, attending to his daughter’s tender care.

            For many years, I wondered if Mother  would ever go through a day without crying.  It wasn’t until later that I realized the heartache of Dad.  Not only was his heart broken, but his role was to console and gently lead his family back to a more peaceful time. This experience, I am certain, validated to my father the divine role of the Funeral Director.

            We all experience life’s memorable moments, some delightful and fun, some shattering and painful.  In the midst of it all, we remember those who share the joy and those who help us bear the sorrow.

            As a Funeral Director, I have followed in my father’s footsteps.  I, like he, have felt the  warmth within as the validation of the loving Funeral Director is acknowledged.  When we, as Funeral Directors, experience within our own families the pain of death, we realize what an important role we play in society.

            Writing this article has been healing for me.  I share this in fond memory of my dear departed father, LeGrande Spilsbury, who passed away in 2003.

            I am pleased to serve as a Funeral Director, and express my appreciation for all who have chosen this honorable profession.

                                                                                    

The First Christmas Following the Death of My Dad

          A special Christmas tradition in the Spilsbury family was LaGrand Spilsbury, my father, playing his accordion while all the grandchildren danced around pillows on the floor to “musical pillows.”  My father passed away May 14, 2003.  Since then, others have tried to step in for him with this tradition, but no one will ever be able to fill that slot quite the way he did.  It’s just not the same, this ”family tradition” when that someone special is missing.

          Quite frankly, it is emotional for me even to write about it.  This will be our third Christmas without him, and even though the first Christmas was by far the hardest, we truly miss him every year, and this year will be no exception.

           Spilsbury Mortuary will again this year be presenting our annual “Embracing the Holidays” program, especially for  those who have lost a loved one.  It will feature the Heritage Choir with Floyd Rigby, and our guest speakers this year will be Duane Lamoreaux,   Maureen and Dr. Craig Booth.  We extend an invitation to the entire community to come and share this very special time with us.  It will focus on facing the holidays with peace in our hearts, knowing that for many, this will be the first Christmas separated from that very special loved one.

          Our “Embracing The Holidays” program is a sacred, healing experience.

Together we will reflect on past fond memories and Christmases. We will express appreciation for our many blessings, and especially we will remember and pay tribute to the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  He, who gives us hope of a glorious resurrection, giving us that peace which comforts us as we celebrate the holidays with family and friends.

          This year’s program will be held Saturday, December 3, 2005, at 7:00 p.m. in the Spilsbury Mortuary Chapel.  We invite families to bring an ornament and place it on our Christmas Tree of Remembrance.   Our refreshments alone will make you glad you came, and I promise that our “Embracing The Holidays” program will touch your heart and give you courage and strength to carry on with love in your heart.

Sympathy, Empathy & Appreciation

          When death comes to your own, the reality is much more painful than what we might have imagined.  I guess that the “fire down the street” is far enough away that the heat is hardly felt...and such is life.  Unless we are directly closely associated or connected, the tragedy, heartaches, and sorrows in others’ lives are ofttimes hardly noticed.  For example, the war in Iraq doesn’t seem so severe unless your sons, daughters, or grandchildren are serving in the 222^nd.  This past Thanksgiving, Vivian and I were grateful to spend it with our nephew, Josh (who was home on leave), and his family.  How pleased we were to see him, to hug him, to squeeze him, and express our love and best wishes.  Happy/sad moments!

            This past week, Bill Hunt, my former ranch foreman for Spilsbury Land & Livestock, passed away.  Good grief, what a tender moment!  Feelings of appreciation mixed with fond memories...another happy/sad occasion.  In addition, this past week I was severely injured in a horse accident.  I’m going to survive, but nonetheless, I’m once again filled with greater appreciation for good health, and the pain-free life I have enjoyed in the past.

            As I reflect on reality, how insignificant my life is in the worldwide perspective of things.  I could easily come to feel unimportant and minuscule.  But, the truth of the matter is that it really doesn’t matter, except to those few with whom we are connected, and it makes a world of difference to them –  the way we feel, our pain, our tragedies, and our joys.  Whether our support group is large or small, the impact is very much the same.

            In the funeral business, I am one who understands that when “the sky is falling”  those whom I am serving, need a tender, loving shelter, a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, and kind and gentle words.

                                                                                                                                   

            During the holidays, things seem to be magnified.  This past Saturday, we hosted our annual “Embracing the Holidays” program.  It was exceptional!  Maureen and Dr. Craig Booth, Floyd Rigby, and Duane Lamoreaux were the speakers, and all seemed to be in tune, with chosen words to comfort and bring peace to grieving hearts.  We also enjoyed beautiful music from The Heritage Choir.

           

            I would like to extend to you my holiday greeting, an Indian Blessing: “May the Great Spirit bless you, your home, and those you love, with peace and happiness.”

Sincerely,

Ted Spilsbury

Sudden Death

   The devastation and shock of a premature accidental death, whether by automobile accident, or while serving in the military, is in most cases completely overwhelming.  When the tragedy strikes away from home, many circumstances come into play, leaving families wondering “What do we do now?”  The best advice I can give is, know with confidence, that your trusted hometown funeral director can, with one call to him,  bring immediate help.  He is the professional who knows proper procedures and contacts.  Regardless of the situation, he can handle it.  Quite often the funeral arrangements can also be overwhelming for the funeral director, but he will, if at all possible, shield you and your family from additional stress.

          Many times the families will be on edge from the sudden emotional impact.  It will seem to them that the process isn’t working quickly enough.   Questions arise such as, why is it necessary for a medical examiner to be involved? Or, what  services need to be performed - where, when and by whom? They feel it is a nightmare and beyond their comprehension.

          I remember a very dear and close friend of ours whose husband died suddenly of a heart attack while playing softball at a family reunion away from home.  It was total devastation - everything in the world fell upon her that afternoon!  Thank heavens for family, friends and a loving, kind and gentle funeral director who came to her aid.  All of us helped her make the necessary funeral arrangement decisions, as understandably, she was emotionally drained, grief penetrating here entire heart and soul.  She depended on her loved ones to make good decisions, and a beautiful funeral was arranged, leaving a pleasant memory of one of the world’s most loved husband, father and grandfather.  The entire community felt the pain of his parting.

          Often I am called on to assist families as they experience the worst day of their lives. I chose this profession, but quite frankly, sometimes I myself wonder how I am able to step up and orchestrate all the many different options, desires and regulations. It always seems to work out, and no one in more thankful than I when eventually it does.

          May heartache and tragedy never come to you, but if it does, know down deep within your heart that at the end of every rainstorm, the sun will once again shine.

Sincerely, Ted

         

SENIOR SAMPLER FOR MAY 4, 2006

          What’s on the horizon for the funeral industry?  I would like to make few predictions... 

          First, Advanced Funeral Planning will take a giant step forward.  The public is fast realizing that in order to be able to afford a meaningful funeral service, with quality merchandise, cemetery property and monument, the time to prepare is now.  In the past, with advance planning, funeral directors have guaranteed all services and merchandise, with  no additional costs in the future.  That may soon become a thing of the past.  A family in the future will buy a whole life policy for $25,000 to $50,000, and the funeral will be paid from the proceeds of the policy: Higher premiums ~larger benefits.  The policy will be large enough to cover any and all the funeral costs.

          Soon the Baby Boomers, of which I am one, will be making arrangements for themselves.  We want convenience, value, and quality, and we are willing to pay the price.  We desire a meaningful farewell.

          A second prediction is that in the near future, additional options will become available, such as above ground burials, in beautiful garden mausoleums.  In addition, there will be columbariums which will provide for the permanent disposition of cremated remains.  A glass niche will display the urn, and other memorabilia of our loved ones.

          My last prediction is that funeral services will continue in the future as it has in the past - to serve families with options that suit their needs and desires, and with understanding and genuine compassion.

          I am sure that the family owned, long standing established funeral director will always be revered.  I sure hope so.  I have spent my life serving families in their hour of separation.   Some circumstances have been tragic, others held moments of great tenderness. Whatever the case, I know the pain of separation is real.  It was for me, and that memory serves me well as I care for you and your family.  

 

          Always mindful of the tender feelings that accompany this noble profession,

 Sincerely,

Ted Spilsbury

Reflections on Our U.S. Armed Forces

            This past week I have strongly felt the influence of the U.S. Armed Forces, our men and women that protect this great nation, and their sacrifices that bless our lives each and every day.  Not only are they heroes, serving to protect our daily freedoms, they are called upon constantly throughout the world to perform tasks that are seldom mentioned, that of acts of recovery.   For example, they retrieve our dead from the devastations of natural disaster and terrorism.  They step up, providing equipment, know-how, and manpower to preserve the sacred physical  bodies of those whom we love at any and all costs.  Often such duty is mentally and physically overwhelming, such as the recovery of bodies that are in advanced stages of decomposition or that have been victims of drowning, explosion, fire, or other devastation.  We all realize that rescue efforts are being performed, but do we consider who follows through and makes sure that our loved ones make it home?  It is a combination of many, many great and wonderful folks.  It touches my heart, knowing the valiant efforts of those who help to bring closure and peace to grieving families.  Not only does our government and military assist in bringing our dead home, but they once again step up and help us lay them to rest.

            For example, military honors, whether honoring those actively protecting us or those who have served this great nation in the past, the President of the United States makes sure that none are forgotten.  I have most recently witnessed our local American Legion, performing military honors in a complete cloudburst.  It made me proud to stand in their presence.  We, in Southern Utah, are blessed to have the finest military honors in this wonderful, blessed country –  the United States of America (excepting perhaps the honors provided by full-time active duty trained soldiers at the Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia).  As “Taps” is played, the 21-gun-salute pierces the air, and the flag presented, I see the tears of gratitude.  They are the great and noble ones, providing a fitting final tribute on behalf of the President and a grateful nation.

            How proud we are to be citizens of such a great nation, a nation that reveres their dead and pays proper honor and respect.  May I take this opportunity to say “thank you” to all of our service men and women for all they do, here and abroad.

Radio, Television, Print...?

            How does a funeral home/mortuary compete for business?  Advertising is a very sensitive issue.  We never broadcast that the decedent’s appearance is so much better at Spilsbury’s, or that we respond faster when asked to remove a body.  We never inform the public that we guarantee the protective and respectful care of their loved ones or that we have an open door policy for the family to spend time with them, even though it may be after regular business hours. So, how do we get the word out?  Is it location, price, 

advertising, billboards, connections at the hospital, nursing homes, home health agencies, police department, etc.?  The answer is, “None of the above!”  Our message, at Spilsbury’s is shouted loud and clear, by word of mouth, every time we serve a family.

            It was brought to my attention that there are two markets to which modern-day funeral directors cater.  They are the seniors, who are inclined to select the traditional firm that has served the family for generations, and the baby boomers, of which I am one, who recognize value and are willing to pay the price.  But, at the same time, they consider the lower priced firm, although they have never been involved in the funeral arrangement process, and truly don’t understand the difference a quality funeral home offers.  Being a baby boomer AND a funeral director, I have the fortune to serve both sectors.  The seniors, through the years, have gained experience and wisdom. They have felt the heartache and pain as well as the insight, comfort, and peace that come from doing business with firms of longevity, reputation, and trust.  They have learned that discounts are great on household appliances, but don’t represent the best option when shopping for personal services, such as a doctor, lawyer, hairdresser, auto mechanic, or funeral director, to name a few.     As a baby boomer, I must agree that when it comes to heart surgery, safety equipment for rapelling, or choosing a funeral director, experience and wisdom are to take top priority.  I am going to put my trust in my elders and follow their advice.  I have personally been concerned with the real intentions of some with whom I do business.  When in doubt, I consider the options.  Bargains are great, but if they don’t live up to the purpose for which they were intended, then they are no longer bargains.  When it comes to personal services, I choose the very best!

            I have come to truly appreciate a real live voice on the other end of the phone, rather than voice mail menus or answering services.  I like old fashioned homemade french fries and golden oldies, but I do not miss carbon paper or typewriters.

            Life is a mixture of the old and the new.  Nothing can take the place of lemonade, a swing in the park, or other pleasant memories.  Sometimes, I can just close my eyes and remember back on the good ole days.  Those days are gone, but still are very much alive in my memory.  Little League Baseball, the Junior Pentathlon, the first deer hunt....  How about your first car, first date, first girlfriend/boyfriend?  Even back then, the experience and wisdom of our elders, our loving parents, played an important role pertaining to our best welfare and adventure.       

                                                                  

            The old nut does not fall far from the tree.  I see more and more everyday that old fashioned values have become more important in my life.  I am realizing now that I am turning out to be much like my father (God bless his memory).

            The bottom line is this – Radio, television, and print do help us get the word out, but the last word is that when it comes to funeral service, the qualities of longevity, reputation, a proven track record, and family traditions are the key factors that ensure a family of the best possible experience at the most tender time in their life – that of losing a loved one.

            We, as baby boomers, will find ourselves being the ones who are more frequently making the decisions.  I, for one, am ready to assume the responsibilities that lie ahead.  Are you?

Quality Funeral Services

            How does funeral service compare in St. George and Hurricane with the rest of the country?  Maybe you can reflect on the last funeral you attended in Las Vegas, or perhaps you had a relative die in Southern California.  There are two different perspectives – as a loved one attending, or as a member of the family actually helping to make the funeral arrangements.

            You be the judge. Overall, funeral service is much better in our area than other parts of the country.  Granted, Utah is significantly ahead of the nation in many ways, and Utahans have not forgotten the value of the funeral service for family and loved ones.

            This past week I personally supervised an evening visitation that lasted for over five hours.  Each person attending had the opportunity to pay their respects, offer tender words of appreciation and encouragement, or give a gentle hug.  Each person’s time spent was rewarded as they heard the heartfelt and teary-eyed response of, “Thank you.  You are one of our most loved and valued friends,” or “Oh, thank you for being here with us this evening.”  As we attend viewings, each of us adds a little strength, each one of us lifts the burden, each one of us helps ease the pain.  What a noble and valiant expression of love and affection we give at those times. You will always be remembered for your thoughtfulness as one who cared enough to be there.

            Yes, funeral service is definitely better....  Not only are our facilities exceptional, but our personnel is some of the best the industry has to offer, and our equipment technology is State of the Art.  We also provide 24-hour on premises availability.  There is, within reason, always someone at our mortuary.  Are these things important?  Without a doubt!

             I am always amazed that, through cutting corners, others haven’t learned that there is no substitute for first class quality of service and merchandise.  The funeral service should honor the loved one with the highest regard. There are no reruns or dress rehearsals.  There is no excuse for a half-effort.  From the limousine to the ice water at the cemetery, only the very best is good enough for the families we serve.

            It is plain to me, and becoming more obvious to others, that the families of Southern Utah are very traditional, and place high value on the funeral service.  They choose to bid farewell in a most dignified manner.   As in the words of William Gladstone, “Show me the manner in which a nation cares for its dead, and I will measure with mathematical exactness the tender mercies of its people, their respect for the laws of the land, and their loyalty to high ideals.”

            So, how does funeral service compare in Southern Utah versus other parts of this great nation? Exceptionally well!  It is a reflection of our heritage.

The Pro’s and Con’s of Anatomical Donations

            What about being a donor? By this, I mean just what is really meant when we put “Donor” on our drivers licenses. There are many different aspects of being a donor. Is it your intent to donate tissue, bones, vital organs, or perhaps to give a complete body donation? As a funeral director, I would like to shed a little light on the subject.

            May I go on record as saying that I think being a donor is a gracious gift, but sometimes the communication is very misunderstood by those actually giving the gift. When a person or family is contemplating organ, bone, or tissue donation, they need to be aware of the drawbacks associated with the gift.

            It is my belief that giving a gift that lives beyond our own life is a tremendously honorable act.  When giving the gift of an organ, such as a heart, liver, or kidney, many factors come into play, one of which is life support. Life support allows for the recipient to be prepared to receive the transplant.  These gifts are precious and every detail is critical.

            Another gift may be the eyes which may provide a corneal transplant for a recipient.  It’s a very successful procedure, where life support is not necessary, but time is of the essence.

            There is also an enormous need for the gift of tissue and bone.  Again, a gift of this nature can greatly enhance the life of another.  There are times, however, that a delay in the donor recovery response has resulted in the inability to utilize the donation,  or even worse, caused the rescheduling of the funeral, disappointing the donor’s family.  The delay can also be a negative for an optimum preservation process.

            Families of donors are well informed as to the  wonderful difference their donation will make in the life of a recipient, but sometimes the families are not informed of the complications that may exist during the process of laying their loved one to rest.

            If any of my family members or friends were contemplating being a donor, I would want them to be informed of the advantages as well as the disadvantages.  Hence, I would now like to cover some of the disadvantages.  Quite often, the result of an anatomical gift competes with the embalming procedure. The circulation system of the body is disrupted, not allowing proper distribution throughout the body and interfering with the preservation process. In many cases, the body is disfigured and often the embalmers are not able to produce a satisfactory appearance. This creates a surprising and disappointing result for the families, especially if they were planning on an open casket visitation.

            You, the public, should also be informed that there are additional costs associated with anatomical donations.  In order to properly restore and prepare the body, it requires skilled technical procedures and an increased great amount of  time.

            I would like to suggest that it is far better to provide the pro’s and con’s of anatomical donation so that individuals and families may make well-informed decisions. May they be presented the many blessings of anatomical gifts as well as what might be called the down side. 

            In conclusion, each individual must decide for themselves if the gift is worth the possible adverse consequences.

Living Your Eulogy

            Everyday, our eulogies are being written.  How do you want to be remembered? As for me, I want to be remembered as one with a great sense of appreciation.  I would like to take this opportunity to express appreciation to many who have enhanced my life, the lives of my family, and my chosen profession.

            I appreciate my parents, LeGrande and Bette Seegmiller Spilsbury.  I am today in the funeral profession because of my parents.  It took both my Mom and Dad to run the funeral home.  Yes, Mrs. Spilsbury was very much involved in the business.  In 1950, they purchased  Pickett Mortuary from the Pickett family.  Their family had served the residents of Washington and Kane counties for three generations, the first being Horacio Pickett, then his sons, Ellis and Henry, and then Henry’s sons, Elmer and Bob.  Today, our flagpole is dedicated “In Memory of Elmer Pickett.”

            As for the Mrs. Spilsbury of today, I want to express my love and appreciation to my wife, Vivian.  She, like my mother in years past, plays a major role in our family business.  She attends to the finances and helps orchestrate the production of every funeral.

            I express appreciation to our fine staff.  The funeral directors, Tony Whitney and Michael Jones, they are each talented, pay attention to every detail, and are kind and compassionate caregivers.  I express appreciation to the lifeline of  our whole operation, our officer manager, Aimee Sawyer, and program specialist, Julie Brough who both go the “extra mile,” organizing, creating, dotting the “i’s” and crossing the “t’s.”

            Throughout Spilsbury Mortuary there are those in the shadows who keep our beautiful mortuary the “Crown Jewel” of funeral service.  I express appreciation for our gardeners, cleaning personnel, those who run death certificates and transport, all working in harmony. I express appreciation to the Southern Utah Burial Vault Co.,  owned and operated by the Hafen boys and D. J. Gull.  They prepare the most beautiful grave sites and bring peace to that  sacred place – the resting place of our loved ones.

            To all the cemetery sextons throughout Southern Utah and surrounding areas, I express appreciation.  Rain or snow, they always serve faithfully, many going way beyond the call of their employ.

            I express appreciation to those who perform military honors.  They are the great and noble ones.  We are blessed to have the finest military honors in this wonderful  United States of America.  God bless those who perform military honors for our beloved servicemen.

            And, in conclusion, a special appreciation to all clergy who everyday serve others. Oh, how thankful we all are, especially in the final hour of life.  May their kindnesses be remembered and may they be blessed abundantly.

            I hope that I will be remembered as one who has appreciated all people and all things along my path of life.

Leave Your Mark

 I actually get excited thinking about writing my next article for the Senior Sampler.   It’s even somewhat soul searching as I stop to think about how I really feel about what I am thinking. It gives me the opportunity and privilege to expose my heart and mind. My intentions are to lift, share and convey my sentiments, and hopefully stir those tender feelings in you that we all posses. Maybe, to actually stimulate you to shed a tear of memorable reflection or anticipation.

 For example, who is your hero? What is your favorite book, movie or pastime? Do you enjoy life? What makes it all worthwhile? When are you most in harmony with both body and spirit? I would like to reflect on some of these questions with you. Keep in mind, these thoughts we have will one day determine the mark we leave on life.

For me, I want to leave the mark of Five Stars on everything I do, from my professional business to the brand I leave on the rump of my cows – my very best effort in everything. My favorite book is Charlie’s Monument.  My favorite movie is Sea Biscuit. My hero is Mr. Warren Hanning.  Mr. Hanning had faith in me, he gave me the chance in life I truly needed.  What a champion!

I love life. I especially enjoy my profession, serving my fellow-men and being genuinely concerned about their well-being, whatever their need. It is most of the time respectfully true, that the nut does not fall far from the tree, like father like son. That would be the Five Star mark I would like to leave.

Sincerely,

Ted Spilsbury 

“Your Hedge Against Inflation”

           The cost of funerals has almost doubled in the last 15 years...and the costs continues to rise.  In 1990, the average cost of a full Traditional Funeral was $3,900. Today, the average cost for that funeral is $7,500.  It may seem out of control, but the truth of the matter is that the funeral industry has held costs considerably better than other professions, merchants, and living expenses, in general.  At the same time, we provide better care, facilities, and service. 

           For example, a Ford Mustang, 15 years ago, was approximately $9,000-$12,000.  Today, the Mustang ranges from $28,000 and up – more than doubling in price. The average wedding, 15 years ago, was approximately $8,000, and today weddings range from a minimum of $10,000 to $100,000 on the high end, and that does not take into consideration the honeymoon.  Homes, in 1990, were under $85,000, and today a starter home begins at $150,000, with many homes over the $1,000,000 mark.  

          It is unbelievable to think that 15 years from now a full Traditional Funeral will, on average, cost about $15,000.  And, quite frankly, it seems like quite a bargain when compared to other escalating prices.

          Has the cost of funeral services today, along with  other goods and services, forced families to choose options that they truly do not want?  Are families settling for alternative options where their loved ones are shuffled off to third-party providers out of state, not truly knowing if their loved one’s protective care has been a priority?  Have they been transported through local shuttle services in its passenger luggage compartment?  I would hope not!

          When it comes to our loved ones care and memorialization, families should turn to firms of longevity and track record; firms that reflect the best the industry has to offer in staff, facilities and reputation.

          May I share a story of a true experience that happened to me?  A middle-aged father passed away.  He had divorced three times and, at the time, lived alone, separated from children for many years.  In conversation through the years he had mentioned, “When I die, just dispose of me the cheapest possible way you can.  Cremate me and spread my ashes wherever.”  Well, he died and his family was seriously considering a minimum disposal.  As I counseled with them, I pointed out that most likely he had expressed his desire for minimum disposal because of the expense.  He had no idea that his family truly needed to see, hear, and feel their dad’s farewell.

          What is the value of this story?  Plan ahead, talk things over with your children, and let them help plan your funeral.  When it comes to your family sentiments are real and rising to the occasion seems duty as well as natural.  We all need a meaningful moment to say goodbye.  Everyone is different, but when it comes to Mom and Dad, family and friends, we are all pretty much alike.  Our memories come alive as we reflect and pay respect to those whom we love.

          Saying goodby in a dignified manner is the “wink of approval” we all so need.  It is a feeling of well-being a time-out, allowing us as family and friends a short lived opportunity to heal together.  Following our tender farewells, it is “back to living.”

          Finances play an important role in planning a tribute to the life of your loved one.  I strongly encourage planning ahead.  It is not a question of if, but a matter of when.

                                               

Finding a Reputable Funeral Home

            Never were there truer statements than “The old nut does not fall far from the tree,” and “Like father, like son.”  The funeral profession is one business that stays in the family for generations.  If Dad took good care of the business, most likely so will the son.  The funeral profession has changed a bit in recent years; however, the good old time independent firms are the ones in which I would place my trust.

          During the past two decades, many family-owned businesses have been bought up by the conglomerates, where the dollar is the bottom line.  The once small town independent funeral home is now being managed from Atlanta or Miami or from somewhere else in the country.  The firm might bear the legendary name, but there is no longer anyone at the mortuary that you recognize.

          The second upset which has also arrived on the scene are small firms that have a small investment, wanting to save the world.  Most of the time, these are short lived.  They pride themselves with preying on families who have very limited funds and/or are looking for the so-called bargain.  Unfortunately, there are no do-overs in funeral service, and often the families realize too late that the skimpy minimum was far from what they really wanted.  

          The old saying, “You usually get what you pay for,” nearly always rings true. A family which was in financial need expressed a desire to keep expenses to a minimum, and we were able to work things out within the family’s ability to pay.  The family was more than pleased and the merchandise was dignified and very satisfactory to the them. I caution you to beware of those firms that have a special deal on the merchandise in the back room or through the internet.  First of all, reputable firms will offer merchandise at the same price to every family they serve.  They will sell out of their own showroom, not from a catalog, website, nor back room special.  Families will meet with a licensed funeral director who understands all aspects of the company’s business.  They will offer to handle your loved one’s funeral arrangements at any church or in their own facility, because of choice, not because they have inadequate facilities.  

          It has been my observation that those who try the discounts are not well pleased.  Those who provide services, for some strange reason, feel that because families are paying less they, the funeral director and staff, do not need to perform at their best effort.

          My remarks are expressed from a lifetime in funeral service.  I have a vision of what families should experience, and I know that you deserve the very best effort our funeral directors and staff have to offer.  Every reputable firm will work with families that are truly seeking a dignified service at a most moderate price.

“Come Unto Me” Sculpture

I thought you might want to know the story behind the beautiful “Come Unto Me” sculpture that graces the foyer of our Bluff Street location.  It dates back to 1999.

Jerry Anderson, a gifted artist and sculptor, lives in Silver Reef, just north of Leeds, Utah.  One day, Bob Carpenter, a sales representative for Jerry, stopped by the mortuary to inquire if I might have some interest in placing a bronze sculpture in or on the grounds of the mortuary.  At the time, I was heavy in debt and busy...not interested.  Persistent, Bob would drop in about once a month to inquire.  My reply was always the same, “Sorry, not interested!”  After many months, at least six or more, Bob just happened to stop by again and it was about 5:00 in the evening.  I had caught up on the day’s work, so I had some time to visit.

            I told Bob that I would like to meet this Anderson character.  I had heard about him and perceived him as somewhat of a celebrity or at least someone whose name would appear in “Who’s Who in America.”  I decided I wanted to visit his gallery or his home and get to know him.

            It was only a few days later when Bob called and had made the arrangements for us to meet.  Bart Anderson “Ranger Bart,” myself, and my business partner traveled to Silver Reef to meet the famous Jerry Anderson.

            Jerry’s wife, Fawn (a most attractive and gracious lady), greeted us.  We were actually invited to their home.  It was a beautiful place, just as you might imagine.  To me, it seemed like a mansion for an artist, a resort or retreat that radiated the talent and personalities of both Jerry and Fawn.  

            It was a most pleasant visit.  They showed us everything.  First editions were throughout his personal gallery, along with his Harley Davidson motorcycle and Zimmer (automobile).  Jerry, to say the least, is a very colorful individual.  You might think you were in Hollywood.  Well, that’s my first impression.

            Soon, we got around to the subject of a monument to be placed at the mortuary.  Jerry expressed his desire to do a spiritual piece that would touch the hearts of all who might enter.  He asked if we would ponder the matter and meet again in two weeks.  I agreed, and sure enough, we met again, but this time it was in the foyer of the mortuary.  The inspiration was revealed.  I was deeply touched and my partner also had a confirmation.  We felt that destiny was being fulfilled.  The sculpture was one full year in the production.  It was unveiled in December of 2000 at our Embracing the Holidays program.

            The beautiful “Come Unto Me” sculpture is a testament of life after death which brings hope and peace to all.  “Come Unto Me” speaks an eternal truth, touching the hearts of everyone who visits our mortuary.